Sunday, April 26, 2009

Practical Joke On Pittsburgh Bumpkin

Among the illiterate bumpkins who joined the Pirates in the spring of 1904 was an outfielder with a huge appetite. Not knowing how to read a menu, he sat next to Honus Wagner at every meal, pretended to read the card after Wagner ordered, threw it aside, and said casually, "Give me the same as him." One evening, Wagner didn't feel much like eating and ordered just two boiled eggs for dinner. The bumpkin glared at Wagner in disgust, then hurried over to a table where Pirates catcher Harry Smith was reading a menu. Smith ordered a porterhouse steak, and the bumpkin ordered the same. After that, the bumpkin stuck close by Smith for every meal. Smith then ordered just a glass of milk for dinner two nights in a row, getting his real dinners via room service. The bumpkin was off again in search of a hearty eater. However, Smith wasn't finished with him. After a close game in Boston, Smith handed him a telegram, saying it had just arrived at the clubhouse door. The bumpkin found Wagner and took him aside. "My eyes are bad from the sun," he told Honus. "Read this wire, will yer?" The telegram was not addressed to the bumpkin: it was for another player, informing him his suit was ready at the tailor's shop in New York. "Sure," said Wagner. "The wire says they've got a warrant for you down in Tennessee." The bumpkin turned pale. When he got to the shower room, the other Pirates asked him what the telegram was all about. "It was an offer from Frank Chance for me to go to the Cubs,"said the bumpkin.

1 comment:

Brad said...

I'll trade you a pack of cigarettes for a 1909 Honus Wagner baseball card. It's about the same price.